1. Know your values.

We need others to respect us and it’s not something we can demand from others; it’s something we earn by consistently modeling respect for ourselves, without being arrogant. It’s important that you don’t accept disrespect. Show them how to elevate their behaviour by modeling respect as you firmly reject their disrespect. Sometimes this means walking away with dignity. It means staying C.A.L.M. and compassionate, looking for ways to restore balance within yourself and within the relationship if possible.

Q: Am I mindfully aware of my core values and my code of ethics?

2. Treat yourself well. 

Your physical appearance, hygiene, dress and grooming, and how you speak about yourself sends messages to others about how you expect to be treated. If you don’t care, then few people will go to the effort of raising you up. In these troubled times, people are too busy trying to keep themselves on an even keel.

Q: Am I sending the right message to others?

3. Avoid assuming others know what you need. 

Rather than waiting for a blow up to talk about something emotional, initiate a conversation, during calm and quiet times, to talk about your needs specifically and clearly. And remember to inquire how these fit in with what the other person needs. Model the behaviour you desire: listen to be listened to, be more affectionate to spark more romance.

Q: Am I expecting others to read my mind?

4. Set clear boundaries. 

What messages are you sending? Are they consistent? Or are they on again, off again? We all benefit from deciding on our “rules of engagement” — what is consistently acceptable and what is unacceptable.

5. Refrain from “letting it all hang out.” 

At one time we were advised: “If you feel it, express it, however it wants to come out.” You are entitled to your emotions. Some have misinterpreted this to mean they can use pouting, silent treatments, or yelling, criticizing, and bullying. Hurtful behaviour leads to damaged relationships. Compassionate behaviour leads to healing. Take calming breaths and reframe your need in a way that avoids accusations…“I’m feeling _______ right now. Can we talk about it? I think if _____ happened, it would help.”

Q: Do my communication skills need work?

6. Reward behaviours you like. 

Getting so wrapped up in your own feelings can blind you to seeing the kind, loving acts that others do daily. Notice. Acknowledge. Express gratitude. These three things are great motivators to deepen healthy relationships.

Q: Do I need to hone my awareness, so that I see opportunities for gratitude?

7. Be patient and suspend judgment. 

The “I’m right! You’re wrong.” attitude is not helpful. All of us have internal work to do before it’s seen within our external actions. We are just in different places along the same journey in life. Remember that behaviours don’t change overnight. When the other person is trying, be appreciative. However, if someone absolutely refuses to budge, it may be time to move on from that relationship.

Q: Has being “right” become too important to me?

8. Forgive often. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. 

Retaliation brings you down to their level. Keeping score is only for baseball, not real life. Holding grudges is like picking at wounds and never letting them heal. You’re not responsible for fixing anyone. I don’t believe anyone needs to be fixed.

Q: How can I become attuned to my body sensations so I recognize somatically what each situation is teaching me?

The goal when you teach people how to treat you isn’t to control someone else. It’s to create an environment where the desired behaviour has room to grow; where its tender start is nurtured and encouraged.

Article source: newayscenter